This is a story about one of the oddest events in my life. Everything I’m about to tell you is 100% true and can be verified by several people. Unfortunately this peculiar experience took place in 2004 so I don’t have the court papers (a little teaser to wet your appetite 🙂 anymore. Now, in the interest of fairness and privacy, all names in this drama have been changed to protect their privacy…except for me; I’m still me in this saga. You ready for a wild ride, I sure hope so!!!

3 days before Christmas in 2004, my mom got a letter (sent by messenger) from the Fort Lauderdale Florida Police Department. For reasons that I can’t explain, she lists my brother and me as living with her even though neither one of us do nor have for a long time now. Since it was such a shock to her, mom decided to have the messenger open the letter and read it to her (again, I can’t explain the why). I wasn’t there, but from what I understand her jaw about hit the ground. Turns out a Detective Dumbo wanted to talk to me about a kid they had in their system.

At the time, I was doing deliveries for a local greenhouse. Christmas was by far the busiest time of year for us; just to give you some idea we were doing about 200 stops a day which was about 4 times more than an “average” day. To put it another way, I barely had time to shove food in my mouth let alone deal with Detective Dumbo from the Fort Lauderdale Florida Police Department. Luckily the route I was on when I got the call from mom about the letter was near her house and when I explained the situation to my boss he was cool with me stopping for a little bit to see what the HE*& was going on!

Detective Dumbo’s letter said they had a child in custody whose mom was claiming that I was the father. I call the detective Dumbo for a reason. There were a handful of misspelled words, grammatical errors, and the cop had the penmanship of a crack addict. This cop was either not very bright or the letter was the last thing he did before going on Christmas break.

The letter requested I call the department for questioning. Detective Dumbo was not there when I called but his boss seemed to know what was going on so he questioned me. From what I remember, the kid was a 14 year old male (this is important to remember for later). Mom and child were from Florida so the boss wanted to know if I’d ever been down there, I haven’t (scouts honor!). Since I had never been to Florida, the boss cop wouldn’t tell me the name of the kid or mom which I was alright with. Considering the content, it was a pretty simple and quick phone call that I thought had cleared up the matter. I was SO wrong! This story is just beginning J

You won’t believe what happens next!!!