Attention, Attention, Attention, this is a public service announcement for any one that is not over 6 feet tall!
This is a story about an experience I had while waiting in line at the local grocery store.
After I got off work on Friday, I went home but the weeks labors got the best of me so I took a nap. I woke up about 6pm, mainly because I’ve been to cheap to turn on the heat recently so I was dangerously close to having frost bite on my nose and ears 🙂 Since it was pretty much dinner/feeding time, I decided I wanted to use either the oven or stove in the hopes of helping the heater catch up. Oddly, Friday was payday which usually means someone else would be doing the cooking for me but I was going to be smart and cook dinner myself.
As it turns out, I had pretty much nothing in the fridge. I know being a single male living alone, big surprise right!? So after much thinking, judging of my laziness level, and consideration, I decided to run to the local grocery store to get some form of chicken and fruit for dinner. I was also out of Propel which is a main staple in my diet ( on a side note, help a brother out Propel and send me some Black Cherry would you!!!)
We are now to the part were tall people can relate the most. While standing at the checkout line, the girl in front of me turned around, smiled, and said “wow, you are really tall!” (I’m not sure if she was just passing time or actually trying to flirt with me, I’m beyond clueless when it comes to this type of social situation). Now, I realize being over 6 feet tall that this type of statement is pretty much par for the course. But on behalf of all tall people everywhere, unless you are a kid or a little person, this pretty much makes us feel like freaks of nature!
Now, I am horrible at judging ages but this girl was at least 21 (she was buying 2 bottles of wine). She was good looking, great smile, and seemed friendly. For all I know, she could of been the my 1st ex-wife. I will never know though because I couldn’t get over how freakishly tall I was feeling at that moment.
At this point moment some of you might be saying wait a second, a seemingly hot chick starts talking to you and you are almost complaining, what the hell is wrong with you Alan?! Here is some friendly advice, most tall people are very awkward and self conscious about their height. I don’t fit into cars, i’ve hit my head on the roof of some local basement bars, stores, or houses for example. I’m too tall to fit into “normal sized” people clothes but not fat enough to shop in the big and tall section. I’ve been told by at least 2 girls that we couldn’t date because I would role over in bed and crush them. To top it off, my prom date in high school was a foot shorter than me so I looked like a giant predator despite being the same age as her. To make a long story short, I know I’m tall!
Here is the PSA portion of my story! If this girl had turned around and said “I bet your tired of hearing how tall you are” or “I bet your neck hurts a lot because of short people like me” I would have tried to run whatever game (thats what the kids say right?) I have on her. My first reaction wouldn’t have been feeling like a freak of nature which is a great way to start an interaction with someone. Also, tall people can appreciate originality, originality does seem to be a lost art in our culture.
Please, pretty please, next time you see a tall person, regardless of the social situation, remember that they know they are tall and don’t need to be reminded of it! We will happily reach the top shelf for you, be your bodyguard, or be your big brother/sister if thats what you would like. Just don’t remind us that we have a lot in common with giraffes! Thank you for your time and please return to your regularly scheduled activity!!!