Dear Neck and Lower Back,

Hey, how you doin? Judging by my pain levels lately it seems like you might be upset with me and I’m not sure why. So I thought we should have a little heart to heart. While we try to come up with some solution to this problem I promise not to swear at you or bad mouth you to family, friends, coworkers, doctors, the new neighbors’ dog, and that friendly kitty that stopped by the other day that you really didn’t want me to pick up and pat. Sound like a deal?

Let’s jump right into it, what gives??? Most of my nourishment now comes from clean, organic food instead of that processed food crap you had become accustomed too. Yes, I know I could do better at cutting out deserts but even then most of them are either organic or vegan based. Since you will bring it up, I do know humans can survive without Starbucks but nice you seem bent on keeping me awake for days on end sometimes I need an aide in order to keep us both moving and upright (plus the caffeine helps fight the headaches for which you seem so fond of giving me now a days). I’m even learning to like vegetables. All my doctors, pt’s, friends, fellow patients, and strangers all agree that my change in diet should be helping so I must ask you again, what gives??? Any explanation you might be able to give right now would be greatly appreciated.

Let’s discuss exercise and stretching for a moment. In the spirit of trying to make a change in order to accommodate your wishes, I’ve switched to more of a flexible workout/exercise plan. I’m trying to keep as active as possible while changing things up in order to make things more interesting. I’ve taken you on hikes, rearranged my weight lifting program, added different types of cardio, and even have tried to jog on a track all in the name of trying to get along with you. As soon as I fine the time I will take you to the pool too in order to try some swimming. What more do you want from me?!

As you well know, stretching is about the only thing I do religiously. I stretch before, during, and after whatever sport I’m doing at the time. I’ve even been known to stretch before taking a shower in the morning! You don’t even seem to like this anymore. One moment you will be fine and the next have me crying for my ice packs and pain relievers. That’s just a cruel game you’re playing with my emotions! You were even so angry with me stretching that I had to go to the emergency room on Memorial Day because you wouldn’t let me stretch you out in order to relieve the pain in my lower back (that little haha you pulled will probably end up costing me several thousands of dollars by the way).

I should warn you, because you seem bent at ruining my life my resolve to kick your ass is only growing stronger. Running shoes have become so high quality now, for example, that my resurfaced hip and knees don’t seem to mind that sport anymore you know. Someone will have to pull my skis off my cold dead legs before I give that up too just to warn you. All I’m looking for is one relatively pain free day in my hands and I plan on jumping back on my road bike again. Now, you might be asking yourself why I’m I giving away my plan of attack, well jerk, it’s because I’m not afraid of you anymore! To put it another way, let’s dance bitch!!!



Alan Kristopher Brewington


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